Shadow

"It's tough being a woman in another woman's shadow."

I'm doing Beth Moore's Bible study on Esther right now.  That statement was the first "scenario" in a study that talks about how it's tough being a woman.  That "other woman's shadow" can come from so many different sources and for many different reasons.  We all have mothers, friends, and possibly sisters, who can overshadow us without even meaning to.  We can become jealous, feel threatened, or even just not quite as worthy as they are.  Why? Certainly for no good reason.  

I had an idea for a blog, but I stopped to read a friend's blog first.  Suddenly my blog didn't seem like anything important.  I didn't have the whiz-bang story she did. I don't have a past of struggle on top of struggle.  I don't even have a past of big struggles.  No drugs, no sex, and hardly even any rock and roll. :)  Why do I feel like I need that to have a "good" testimony?  How exactly can I so flippantly discount all the times God saved me from stupid mistakes?  I could have gotten in car accidents, I could have (oy) gotten pulled over for more than one DUI, I think I probably could have gotten involved with the wrong guy....  But I didn't.  Why?  God is the only One Who knows.

Why do some people live relatively easy lives surrounded by people who love them, while others have to face struggle after struggle?  I don't really know that either.  But God knows. And, thank His glorious name, He knows what He's doing.  Does He compare me with other people?  Never.  Why do I?  I'm not better than anyone else because He's kept me out of trouble.  But I probably should be more thankful.  (And stop complaining about not having been involved with those "wrong" guys.)  Should I be more thankful than someone God brought out of a horrible past?  Yeah, I think maybe I should.  I didn't have to go through any of that.  Did I have it easier?  Who knows.  Maybe in some ways.  But I need to remember that God brought me through temptations, He didn't always let me skip past them.  My life might have been easier because I didn't date much (through no choice of my own--and there's where I'll start complaining) but was that because I had wonderful parents, grandparents, and aunts and uncles praying for me that I wouldn't face temptation?  Possibly.  Probably.  Maybe God just didn't want me falling, and He knew I would.  "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Cor. 10:13)  So, I know I cannot turn up my nose at ANYONE.  Maybe I wasn't faced with that because God knew I couldn't handle it.  I think I'd ask Him about it when I get to heaven, but I'm thinking it's really not going to matter to me at all once I'm there. :)

It's kind of humbling.  Kind of? Okay, seriously humbling.  I'm an idiot. I know I am.  I'll be the first to stand up at the meeting and say, "Hi, my name is Sonja, I'm a judgmental, proud idiot."  But I can promise you, I'll be at the meeting.  Because in the past 17 years that I have been with an incredible man named Steve, I have learned more than the entire 21 years before that.  God gave me the perfect man for me.  The one who has shown me what compassion and love are.  And not just toward me, but he has helped me show compassion and love to others.  Hmmm, so I will say... "It's tough being a woman in another woman's shadow unless you have a man shining God's light beside you."